The wit and wisdom of the outrageous Brigit Brat
reprinted from the Compost NewsLetter
kate moss is fat
"It was awful. I'm lucky to
have escaped with my life," gasps Brigit Brat between sobs as she
recounts the harrowing events of her recent past. "I received a phone
call from Kelly Klein -- she said she was a big fan of my music and
invited me over to the Klein ranch to have an Ultra Slimfast and some
low fat cookies. I accepted. Kelly met me as I arrived and explained
that her husband was away on business as she led me to the study."
The Slimfast was strawberry,
my favorite. Kelly started to tell me about her fears for her husband's
fashion kingdom. "Our analysis shows that the public is obsessed with
ultra thin, pretty, sweet, passive creatures as fashion icons. Each
season we have to surpass our previous effort to present the ultimate
perfected fashion. Eventually, of course, we will be up against the
limits of human physiology."
"You should have considered
modeling, Miss Brat," she said to me as I finished my Ultra Slimfast,
"you do have the bone structure, not to mention an extremely long
frame." I started to thank her and the room shrank to a tight keyhole
in front of me; I felt my head hit the floor.
I awoke to find myself shackled
to a cross in a dim basement dungeon. Through the darkness I could
almost make out the forms of several other victims who were in a similar
predicament. Many of these poor creatures were crying out for food.
The evil purpose of this dungeon
became immediately apparent. This is how that little codependent bitch
plans to supply her husband with supermodels.
Brainwashing: subjected to
hours of Brooke Shields and Obssesion commercials while a nonstop
loudspeaker blares out "Food is Bad, Bones are Beautiful."
"Kate , Kate can you hear
me?"
"She can't stand up, mistress,
she's too weak."
"Fine ! then lay her across
a couch. Her first shoot will be prone. As soon as she regains the
ability to stand, I want her in swimwear."
I finally escape when I become
so thin I slip through the restraints and out a cat door.
Recovery in an EDU... I can't
even look at Slimfast....
The lovely and talented Ms. Brat