The wit and wisdom of the outrageous Brigit Brat
reprinted from the Compost NewsLetter
Eostre 90
Big Game Feminist Hunting
Gentle Reader, the following
article concerns the increasingly popular sport of feminist hunting.
This may offend many of you as it contains graphic references ...Wait
a minute, I don't have any gentle readers, they're all sick scum who
enjoy my psychotically disgusting view of the world around us. So
fuck off all you reactionary twits. If you get offended, I get a rush.
We are talking with Tom, formerly
with Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Since the show's end, Tom has
become one of the most sought-after hunting guides in the world. Tom
frequently leads expeditions into Middle America to hunt for radical
lesbian feminists.
"Tom, why hunt radical lesbian
feminists?"
"Well, for one, the hunting
has become necessary; what with most of their natural enemies on the
decline, the population has exploded, they have gone off the endangered
species list and become a public nuisance. In fact there are so many
of them now that if food becomes scarce during the harsh winter months
many will simply starve. And of course the second reason is the sheer
sport of it."
"Are there any dangers involved
in this sport?"
Why yes, the typical feminist
is a herd animal, so getting close to the prize specimen is quite
a challenge. A charging herd is a frightening sight, since many of
the specimens can exceed 400 pounds."
"Where do you hunt for radical
lesbian feminists ?"
"Mostly around universities
or anyplace which offers women's studies and has a steady supply of radical lesbians."
"What are you going to show us today?"
"Actually, today we are going
to observe a new relocation program being established by the BCWM
(Bored Citizens With Money). It is their intention to relocate a number
of radical lesbian feminists to more remote areas where their population
is less dense. Suggested release areas include Washington state, Utah,
Tennessee, and North Dakota. I have offered my services as a tracker,
so tag along; this should be an exciting afternoon."
We travel with Tom and the
BCWM to a nearby university. There Tom surveys the area and looks
for RLF spoor. It seems that Tom has found what he's looking for,
and he's started to install the capture nets. Next he will need to
bait the trap.
"Tom, what do you use for
bait?"
"I've found that a truck covered
with male chauvinist bumper-stickers works quite well. We will set
the truck in the middle of the capture area and wait."
We don't have to wait long
at all; in a few short minutes a pack of nearly twenty radical lesbian
feminists has gathered around the truck. We fire the capture nets.
Now is when Tom's work is really cut out for him; he must tranquilize
and tag each individual as quickly as possible. A frightened radical
lesbian feminist can easily injure itself in the nets. Tom uses an
airgun with Thorazine; he's taking no chances and will not approach
until the subjects are all sedated.
Tom is now fitting each RLF
with a radio transmitter collar. After all of the necessary data is
gathered at the site, the RLFs are put into transfer cages and flown
to their new frontier home.
That's all for now; join again
me next time for more Sick and Unusual Sports.......
The lovely and talented Ms. Brat