The wit and wisdom of the outrageous Brigit Brat
reprinted from the Compost NewsLetter
Brigid 90
What to Talk About at New Age Parties
Gosh, I never knew how many
multi-talented psychic / healer / astronomer / Quabalist / fluffballs
were actually out there.Well, now I know: there are a lot.
"Hi, I'm _____________ (insert
some nauseating esoteric name -- oh, and of course give yourself a
title), I'm a ___________ (pick a vocation), (insert some metaphysical
small talk); here is my card; my specialties include ________ (insert
a string of incredible claims and talents)." (now offer your services
and give them your price list.)
Topics for metaphysical small
talk:
• Healing the planet with
positivism (and inaction)
• Who I was in a past life
• Dolphins or Dolphin Camp
• Atlantean architecture,
communication mediums, road maps, and other artifacts.
• The Goddess (Wicca is a
taboo subject, however, too negative and nasty).
• Acupressuring your way to
Enlightenment
• Whatever your last conversation
with your spirit guides was about.
The Rainbow Chasing Smurf
Worshippers have incorporated! OK, I've had it, I'm going to sell
out while I still can.
Announcing: BRIGIT'S METAPHYSICAL
BUSINESS CARDS, DESKTOP PUBLISHING, and SPIRITUAL BUSINESS CONSULTING.
Here's how I'm going to do it:
A simple training program to turn anyone into a highly marketable
psychic phenomenon.
First: a Business Card
1. Your Name -- That shouldn't be too hard
2. Pick a title -- Oh come on, live a little
3. Put your address here
4. Pick a Holistic Type Border
5. Pick a Naturalistic Type Logo:
• The Earth
• A weird bunch of lines that
a chimp drew
• The Goddess
• A tree
• A bunny or something
• A power animal (not a bunny)
Second: A Little Social Grooming
Learn to use these words: (I've defined them for you so it isn't too
hard)
• Holistic - No defined meaning;
make one up
• Metaphysical - Merchandising
over matter and science
• Positivism - Mush over Matter
• Past life Regression - $
1500.00
• Channeling - their cash
to you.
Read a few pages from ONE
of the following books:
• Out on a Limb
• Out on a Limb
• Out on a Limb
• Out on a Limb
• Dianetics
• The Book of the Law [only
if you want to appear DANGEROUS at the next party]
But just remember, dear reader,
using these principles without paying for them will bring you bad
karma. If you are afflicted by such bad karma however, please don't
hesitate to call.
The lovely and talented Ms. Brat